Recovering Biblical Woman hood

https://youtu.be/2O6JqqQCJQ8

https://youtu.be/aV4w3nF0rnM

Here is that small clip abt Trinity from the big video

Wow..Paul Washer's this message about husband and wife, renews me everytime i listen to it ...

Since there are questions nd discussions about wife submitting to husband.. here's my favourite part that i remind myself often from the video itself..

He says..if we say submitting to husband sounds like a slave then it is more like we hvnt understood The Trinity.. The Son always submitted to The Father..that doesn't make Him any lesser than Father..but they are one.. same goes with husband and wife.. submitting makes us no less or to lose anything coz we are no longer two but one..in both the cases wat Jesus endured nd wat we ought to has one purpose..which is to accomplish the will of God ..obey even if it is over petty things or bigger one.. " 

Isnt that awesome!

True ryt .. Eph 5 :22 says "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to The Lord" if submitting to Lord is easy and appealing for us..so should it be with our husband.. the difficulty is bcoz of the perfection part..God is all perfect and all knowing..nd can never be wrong..so it is easy for us to heed to him.. on the other hand, we fear if our husband's decision might go wrong..or it doesn't sound wise..or may b bcoz his past mistakes, we are reluctant to give in completely.. may be the reasons are right or cud be wrong..may b he is godly or not..may be he consulted The Lord before making a decision or not.. our job is to obey.. for all..there is no if condition in the verse.. ofcourse we can give suggestions..but the decision is to be made by the husband.. for all we don't believe in the outcome or impact of the decision..but on The Lord  who honours our obedience nd and can still make beautiful things out of our mess, just bcoz u trusted His Word and obeyed..

God's protecting hands

My almost 2 year old while playing jump and hit her crotch, inner folds. By God's grace she was ok. She was wearing underwear, and where she hit also had a thick bedspread . Usually she is without underwear, so it was a miracle she had double protection when she fell.She cried so hard and we saw it was swollen... But she soon calmed down. Later when she wanted to piss, she was crying again. 

That's when I noticed she had a cut and it was bleeding. She was not letting us see it also. This was next day evening. It was full lockdown then and couldn't go out. Next morning we put epass and went to Bethesda. He checked and gave 6 days antibiotics. Next three days was difficult, but God healed her real quick and she was back to active. 

Few days later, we went to global for vaccination. We reached the gate and our car stopped. It's an old getz, bought in 2007. It sometimes does give hiccups, but we hardly use it. 

The hospital security pushed the car to the sides. Two strangers came to help. They were God sent. They tried starting and then opened the bonnet , only to find the wires all chewed up by rats.  It was a miracle that we had driven that far on both days. The two angels, also had a cellotape with which they somehow managed to fix the wires. We reached home safely. Thank God for his protection and love. 

queen vashthi

[08/06, 8:34 AM] Jansi Word Of: Guys, a question.

[08/06, 8:34 AM] Jansi Word Of: What wrong did queen Vashti committed? This was all happened because God had to create a vacuum so that Queen Esther would fill that place to protect Jews.

[08/06, 8:35 AM] Jansi Word Of: But what did this poor Queen do to deserve that punishment? What must have been done by her apart from rejecting the King’s command??

[08/06, 8:37 AM] Maha: Disobedience

[08/06, 8:39 AM] NiSha: Pride too

[08/06, 8:57 AM] Jansi Word Of: Disobedience yes, but who would want to appear before the whole bunch of drunkards?? Also Bible doesn’t say that she was proud.

[08/06, 8:57 AM] Janani: I don't know whthr she did the right thing as a queen but according to me she did no wrong as a woman. 

But God is in control of all. He did as it pleases Him acc to His good will which always for our good. He is a righteous God. Sovereign God, in whom no variableness , neither any shadow of turning.

We may not understand.

Simply we trust Him

[08/06, 9:01 AM] Joy Kiruba Jebaraj: True! Also, we have this thinking that we suffer because of our wrongs alone (karma), but Biblically we live in a wicked fallen world and sometimes we also go through suffering because of the sins of others. In Vashti's case she was punished because of her husband's selfish desires, but God also used that to bring Esther into the scene. Personally for Vashti it could have been difficult but we dont know what happened to her after that..

[08/06, 9:01 AM] Avis: She did the right thing. If she valued the position and power she would have stood in front of them. Women aren’t objects of display

[08/06, 9:28 AM] Pamela: Girls, pls view vashti's case in context with Persian culture, women & children are objects of display, pride , wealth & prosperity.  Queen represented the women in nation. Kings are considered  like gods in those days,  her disobedience will be a bad example for whole nation. King will lose his authority , command & respect among his subjects.

[08/06, 9:30 AM] Pamela: There is no  equality or respect for women in Persian culture.

[08/06, 9:42 AM] Beulah: I agree. She was punished due to the King's  desires for power and fame . But God paved way for Esther in this bad situation for something of bigger purpose. 

As Janani says, we may not understand God's ways completely...God is so much bigger than our minds. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:9

Best is to rest on his sovereignty.

[08/06, 11:28 AM] Suman Boddu: Thanks for sharing insights Sisters. Would like to add some more points to ponder. 

Esther 1:9 says even Vashti was having her own party. Women seem to have their liberty to some extent. 

Vashti might have been putting up with similar kind of demands of her husband for a long time. She must have been in constant pain which she dodged instead of dealing with it and making the needed change in her relationship with King.

Since she allowed the pain to bottle up, she suddenly freezes to respond to King's next demand and everything is screwed up.

Lesson for us

Pain is good! When there is pain, it means a call for a change, make that change with God's guidance and move on.

Vashti did make a change but at wrong time and some one else(Esther) enjoyed the fruit. Esther 2:1 King remembers Vashti, he is feeling bad about how he treated her!

While God is sovereign, he never underestimates man's responsibility.

[08/06, 11:31 AM] NiSha: and about the deserving part ... God is good...I dont think God deliberately put Vashti down to bring Esther up...should be some reason

[08/06, 11:34 AM] NiSha: 9 Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the royal palace of King Xerxes.15 “According to law, what must be done to Queen Vashti?” he asked. “She has not obeyed the command of King Xerxes that the eunuchs have taken to her.”

16 Then Memukan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, “Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. 17 For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’ 18 This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord.

19 “Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she. 20 Then when the king’s edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm, all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest.”

[08/06, 12:11 PM] Anujin: Obedience to  husband is such an important thing I have personally been thru situations wr I feel I am right do things and God makes me realize no listen to ur husband...

Like once our son started getting rashes and he was a bit cranky he had just then recovered frm viral fever... my husband was telling we ll go see the doctor tmrw mrng and he was busy wit his computer....I started getting restless and started nagging him to go see doctor evening itself and my MIL also started scolding him.. finally we both somehow convinced him and we went to the hospital😑 and we got to knw there was an emergency and the doc wasn't available so they asked us to come back next day mrng...and my son also went back to normal...

It just hit me soooo hard tat day abt obedience to husbands we might feel we r right  but God expects us to submit to them...I just got a good lesson tat day

[08/06, 12:56 PM] Jansi Word Of: Okay, not to correlate with anything about the Book of Esther. This is my testimony and maybe bit of advice too.

[08/06, 1:01 PM] Jansi Word Of: In our lives as women and wives, there might be situations that might put us to prove ourselves to show the world we are right. But life is not about proving to someone that we are right. In my life when certain things were not right between my husband and I, there came a follow up situation that was kind of forcing me to tell them why I was behaving in a way, but God kept me on mute and I didn’t try proving myself. Instead I just let it go. If only I had tried to prove me and took a stand I would have lost lot of blessings that followed in our lives.

[08/06, 1:04 PM] Janani: Very important lesson yet my toughest. God give me more grace

[08/06, 1:05 PM] Jansi Word Of: And another thing i always did wrong was, instead of appreciating him for the things he took extra miles, I used to focus only on his wrongs and I always in my mind tagged him to his past wrongs, which actually drained my respect toward him from within. This probably has reflected outside too.

[08/06, 1:06 PM] Jansi Word Of: Because respect drained, my attention to the good things he said was becoming less day by day

[08/06, 1:06 PM] Jansi Word Of: *lesser

[08/06, 1:07 PM] Janani: 1 Peter 3:5, 6 

Do good and be not afraid

[08/06, 1:14 PM] Janani: Wow. Good thought. Points to ponder..

My guy is very casual. I always miss out the line/mix up the borders of being casual n showing no respect.

[08/06, 1:31 PM] Jansi Word Of: Me and Jeba are just 1 year apart. So I too always compare myself with how my MIL shows her respect toward my FIL. And I also justify that she is too old fashioned. 😜 Old or new, Small gap or big, everyone deserves respect.

[08/06, 1:47 PM] Rafi Maria: JJ discussion.. Jansi and Janani ....  Good to read all the points shared.

[08/06, 1:48 PM] Jansi Word Of: Guys, didn’t want to deviate further. Just read about Vashti and had that question. :) Thought I would get your views.

[08/06, 2:01 PM] Eveline Diana: Wonderful Jansi. Thanks for sharing..... Right message for me at the right time. I needed these explanations. This group is such a blessing to me.praise God

[08/06, 4:29 PM] Manisha: Urgent requirement: company : Accenture, experience: 5+, role : TL, skill: COBOL. PLEASE share the resumes

[08/06, 4:52 PM] +31 6 26236194: Respect in the sense ka ? Could you explain bit more

[08/06, 4:53 PM] +31 6 26236194: What do you mean by respecting husband??

[08/06, 4:58 PM] +31 6 26236194: We had a conversation last week between me and my husband exactly on the same topic which is discussed here and I’m curious to understand more biblically..And in this present world I feel both should be treated equally and both deserves respect to each other right?? I feel sometimes like as a women we are slaves   to just say YES all the time and I feel I don’t have freedom to decide anything or the wish anything and the male domination comes into picture.. Are we or am I confused with Indian way of respecting husband..? I feel people are mislead by our traditions and the so called old-fashioned way of respecting husband isn’t ??

[08/06, 5:16 PM] Jansi Word Of: Having multiple calls. Actually everyone deserves respect. Not just husbands.

[08/06, 5:18 PM] +31 6 26236194: Exactly

[08/06, 5:43 PM] Beulah: Everyone != husband. 

Husband is special.

[08/06, 5:49 PM] Kezia: Beu is ultimate

[08/06, 5:50 PM] Ebe Roger: I second that god helped me to understand this truth one year back

[08/06, 5:50 PM] Beulah: My guy told me 2 hard truths which broke my heart then. But I am thankful now that,he did. He said, 

1. I am not your friend

2. Don't treat me like you would treat your colleague. 

I was too casual. But he set it right. 

You treat your husband as God treats him. Precious and loved. 

Not with contempt. Davids wife michal, had a disdain. 

And pray that God builds your husband like Joseph, Daniel, Moses  to be a great leader and God will. 

If you treat him like a fool, he will end up a fool. 

It's a life long process. And after almost 10 years, I can say that by God's grace that me and husband are good friends. God changed me, before he changed him. The way I see him has transformed so much.

[08/06, 5:52 PM] NiSha: I too second that

[08/06, 5:53 PM] Ebe Roger: Like wife needs love from husband , husbands need respect from their wives.

[08/06, 5:53 PM] Beulah: God will mend both of us to go with the flow until and unless we are willing to submit our weaknesses to God. Only prayers and submission to God can help us being obedient and submissive. Both of usare humans and we do make mistakes we cannot justify that we Women are perfect. Learnt in a very rough way

[08/06, 5:53 PM] Beulah: A very long process until and unless we are willing to submit ourselves its not that easy. Letting go off our ego is more important.  He is our God given partner

[08/06, 5:53 PM] NiSha: Everytime I disobeyed my husband I landed in big problems ..may it be big or small...

God himself says Husband is our head

[08/06, 5:53 PM] Beulah: 👆🏻from another shocker

[08/06, 5:55 PM] Ebe Roger: Ephesians 5:33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

He is compared to Christ like how Christ is the head of the church .. and in bible i see for children it is said to obey in Christ but for wives there is no boundary when coming to obedience to husband .. But I’m not sure how to deal if a husband is a non Christian

[08/06, 5:58 PM] Beulah: It's not easy, either way. It's a choice. Everyday. To love, honor and trust.

[08/06, 6:08 PM] Jansi Word Of: Love automatically respects :)

[08/06, 6:08 PM] Jansi Word Of: Finally love overrides everything

[08/06, 6:08 PM] Jansi Word Of: It forgets, forgives, and what not.

[08/06, 6:10 PM] Jansi Word Of: I easily give up my husband in the name of fun. But he seldom does it. He is very protective of me and not even for joke he would put me down.

[08/06, 6:10 PM] Jansi Word Of: We have to be cautious on what we consider as joke is not joke at all

[08/06, 6:15 PM] Beulah: ☺️ I guess he and other newly weds of this generation will have such problem. Too friendly, and funny that you have trouble where to draw a line maybe

[08/06, 6:17 PM] Ceci Fshp: 11 - பயத்துடனே கர்த்தரைச் சேவியுங்கள், நடுக்கத்துடனே களிகூருங்கள்

This verse helped me. God helped me realize worshiping God through our life is important. I cannot take decisions that would keep adding to  my Pride or my ego.

[08/06, 6:17 PM] Beulah: Yeah... But love vaenumae... I remember those days, when my prayer was to ask God to help fall head over heels in love with my guy. I still do at times. Whenever I feel am running empty. 😁

[08/06, 6:30 PM] +31 6 26236194: Ok, but now again I did not get a proper answer for my question.. So do you say that you are sacrificing being “YOU“.. So women are not meant or manufactured to wish/decide on anything ? And just keep on say YES on everything? Is it not adding up stress in ur head for long time erasing all ur wishes and dreams ??

[08/06, 6:30 PM] NiSha: 😂I dint want to tell it..u nailed it

[08/06, 6:31 PM] NiSha: Ramya ur question is too generic

[08/06, 6:31 PM] NiSha: Give an example

[08/06, 6:32 PM] NiSha: Be very genuine n think if it is ALL ur wishes and dreams

[08/06, 6:32 PM] +31 6 26236194: Being too genuine is the biggest problem I feel nowadays 😂

[08/06, 6:32 PM] +31 6 26236194: Let me give an example

[08/06, 6:39 PM] NiSha: Seeing all utube channels flooded with romantic couples i am really having a tough time understanding if  my love is true or real

[08/06, 6:47 PM] Karanthi Leena: There is no real definition for love.. Every couple is different .. Depending on the how each other see each other..

[08/06, 6:52 PM] Praisey: We cannot know how much of that is true.. Better to avoid such channels which destroys the joy in the family

[08/06, 6:54 PM] NiSha: Sarah respected her husband did she love him

[08/06, 6:56 PM] Beulah: Respect will not come without love

[08/06, 6:56 PM] NiSha: How did u overcome ...

Did the prayer work

[08/06, 6:59 PM] Beulah: Of course, it did. ☺️

[08/06, 6:59 PM] Beulah: Otherwise we would have separated years back.

[08/06, 7:00 PM] NiSha: If we pray n get love for someone is it correct

[08/06, 7:00 PM] Beulah: It was my daily prayer. And even now sometimes I go back to God with the same request.

[08/06, 7:01 PM] Beulah: For your husband thana. 😋

[08/06, 7:01 PM] Beulah: Sometimes, the hurt is so bad, our heart becomes real hard.

[08/06, 7:01 PM] Beulah: Like a stone.

[08/06, 7:02 PM] NiSha: Love marriage people get it easily arranged marriage ku than this problem I guess

[08/06, 7:02 PM] Beulah: Unable to forgive or forget. You are bitter to the core. And your words become poison. You sting like a scorpion. You look and your tone is like a lion.

[08/06, 7:03 PM] Beulah: I don't think so...

[08/06, 7:04 PM] Beulah: The difference of opinions, views and the way we are brought up makes all of us unique. Understanding each other motives takes time. Arranged or love marriage.

[08/06, 7:05 PM] Ebe Roger: Beuls our memory wont be easily erased sometimes we remember till we die, everytime you remember exercise your will to forgive him and we are doing it for the glory of god..

[08/06, 7:05 PM] Ebe Roger: This was zac poonens advice

[08/06, 7:06 PM] Beulah: I have a bad memory. But my husband has photographic memory🙈

[08/06, 7:14 PM] Kezia: Thanks for bringing Nancy even I was thinking about recent time YouTube video 📸 f Zac ponnen uncle say to set things right ..

[08/06, 7:14 PM] Kezia: I was wondering how it works when we have gone down to say sorry and the other person twist it to say that they have never said sorry and  goes away

[08/06, 7:15 PM] Kezia: That is wounding ,what to do in this situation???

[08/06, 7:15 PM] Karanthi Leena: During hard times wen we feel we r not treated for wat we deserve, only thing we cud ask God is to fill us with His love which actually makes us feel very light.. Forget forgive and ignore..

[08/06, 7:15 PM] Beulah: Keep forgiving otherwise we become hard and bitter.

[08/06, 7:15 PM] Joy Kiruba Jebaraj: Super authentic akka. 😅♥️

[08/06, 7:18 PM] Beulah: Rule 1: never ever compare. 

And my Rule 2: whatever you see on FB, or online is not real. God knows their pain. Many put up things to cover their brokenness.

[08/06, 7:19 PM] Joy Kiruba Jebaraj: Not necessarily.. even those who "fall in love" and then marry can struggle to love. Because God expects us to love this way - 👇🏽

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

[08/06, 7:20 PM] Beulah: I really want to hear from newlyweds...  Haven't been in touch with any since the lockdown.

[08/06, 7:20 PM] Beulah: How do they handle a husband all alone in the lockdown☺️

[08/06, 7:37 PM] +31 6 26236194: Respect and Obedience are two different topics I feel.. We don’t obey everyone whom we respect.. Isn’t?  

For example.. I also have many examples where I say some decision and my husband says something..And there are many situations where I obeyed my husband and it went wrong..Then my husband says “Adhukkudha pondati pecha kekkanum soldradhu”..

It all depends when we are so close to God.. God will talk to you as well when there is a decision making not only to husband’s isn’t..?

Regarding respect.. I don’t understand what everyone means respect.. Respect for me it means it’s out from our heart with love.. Just not pretending outside as if we are respecting him by addressing with respect note.. “Vanga ,Ponga “ for example.. It all started with a small conversation between us when we were standing alone amidst of two kids... I just called my guy with usual nick name and told anga paaru...and just showed something on a road..And he dint like talking like that to him in front of 4 years old kids who doesn’t know much Tamil..  I couldn’t do two versions of ME all of a sudden.. I was not conscious in public coz they were small kids.. But when he said to me don’t talk this in front of kids.. It hurt me..I asked him back then even you should do the same right.. Why me alone!? This is actually funny I know..Anyhow I don’t behave like this in front of their family members.. But it was going through my head for long time..And I also feel respect is not just outward show off..U can do hell lot of fights inside and pretending outside as if we respect is of no use isn’t..Sometimes if we don’t get the love the other side, I tend to lose respecting him..again we pray and again we don’t put salt in food and we will be forgetting and move on.. But forgetting for that moment is ok..But after some long years it pops up and again hits me..when some fight happens again it will create a bomb blast 💥 

And for everything he says NO, NO, NO.. I feel suffocating sometimes but I use to get out of it through prayers..

And whenever there is hurt, I pray and next day morning I don’t remember first of all.. I will talk to him as usual as if nothing happened..He holds it for long time even in the morning.. he asks me “don’t u put salt and eat”.. I don’t know 😝

[08/06, 7:44 PM] +31 6 26236194: The point is.. there are hell of sacrifices which we are making is getting stored in a box inside and pops up as a blast when there is a new fight.. At that moment I feel like I can’t share it to anyone else in this world (dad ,mom or siblings) and only option is God who will be silent because he don’t talk to us immediately and I’ll be breaking my head and sometimes I also feel that I should suicide.. Then I’ll be back again thinking we will go  to hell if we suicide.. I feel like world is at its end.. This is because I feel everything is stored up somewhere even if I forget at that time...

[08/06, 7:44 PM] Beulah: I think most husbands expect respect. And if so, give them, it's free of cost! Make them feel like a king.

[08/06, 7:45 PM] Beulah: Don't store up... Use me, thiru or Joyce or anyone else in this group to vent your troubles. Please don't pile up or pour it to your mom, dad or family members

[08/06, 7:46 PM] +968 9828 2943: It’s quite easy to handle ..them ..

1 . When they shout at you , just keep quite , even though you are correct .. 

After sometime they will realise the mistake .. either wife or husband vittu kodukka vedum .. life will be smoother

[08/06, 7:46 PM] Beulah: https://www.loveandrespect.com/blog/ouch-youre-stepping-on-my-air-hose

[08/06, 7:47 PM] Beulah: Trust me, we call among ourselves to steam off at times.

[08/06, 7:48 PM] Karanthi Leena: https://youtu.be/5xe_ZjLh-VI

[08/06, 7:49 PM] Karanthi Leena: This really helped me during my bad days..

[08/06, 7:49 PM] +31 6 26236194: I feel that is why we united till now.. Only by marvelous grace of God.. atleast helping me to forget the next day morning..else would have separated long back.. But I feel keeping quite is best key.. Thing is keeping quite 1B times is making a big stress inside me

[08/06, 7:49 PM] Rafi Maria: Last point.. u r saying not to pour out to dad or mom right..

[08/06, 7:51 PM] +31 6 26236194: I’m burrying it inside me rather than pouring out ..This means keeping quite right.. how to clean those??? I feel our brain should be replaced to forget those..

[08/06, 7:51 PM] +31 6 26236194: Hugsssss

[08/06, 7:53 PM] Beulah: Am reminded of a story, where kids carry potatoes for a month. You will wear yourself out. Cast your burdens on to Jesus. Forgive bounce back

[08/06, 7:54 PM] Karanthi Leena: Speak to a friend who is close enough.. Spiritually strong enough to guide u..

[08/06, 7:55 PM] +968 9828 2943: Sometimes I feeling like bursting out .. can’t tell mom or dad or siblings .. also .. I used to take a paper and start writing everything.and feel better .

After one month  when  I read that paper I used to laugh at it . .

[08/06, 7:55 PM] +31 6 26236194: Hard truth ☺️☺️I will never do akka

[08/06, 7:58 PM] Rafi Maria: My husband is 7 years elder than me. More matured. He Don't give much thoughts about fantacy of love, surprises, great gifts..etc. He just expect me to come out of fantacy marriage and live practically. 

The first ever agreement he asked me to keep up till our life time is " *Whatever misunderstanding comes between us should not travel to either your home or my home, it has to stay within us and within the wall* ".. and every time he make sure he heals our relationship when there is some quarrel.. 

Being 90's kid and not having fun and fantacy was lil boaring!😅🙈 But I always thank God for he blessed me more than what I deserve.

[08/06, 8:28 PM] +31 6 26236194: I think that’s the another problem again.. He is 9 years elder than me 😁.. And I’m from IT and he is a professor non-IT.. Both are two ends of the world.. What I feel which is so casual is not ok for him.. and what he says is like stone age for me..

[08/06, 8:39 PM] Joy Kiruba Jebaraj: Although my husband is just 1 year older than me he still doesnt believe in celebrating birthdays or anniversaries.. it was hard especially when we were in the US when all would ask, "Did your husband give you flowers for birthday etc?" But i also learnt to accept it. It still is hard sometimes especially when the special day comes but counting other blessings or other good memories helps. 

Also we were friends before we got married. So i used to call him by name, etc but when we decided to marry he told me I should probably stop calling him by name or casually like friends. Although i wanted to fight back i agreed. Now it just comes naturally. And its not just the way we call but how we treat, when it comes to decisions, or when they do things wrong, how we talk to them, in an argument, do we talk back or stay silent? Do we raise our voice? 

Not that I'm perfect in all these - have a loooong way to go, but these are some areas im learning to respect him. 

What I've learnt is - submitting even if you think he's wrong(unless he's asking you to sin), will still be rewarding.. the Lord will honor it.. and when he does realize he's wrong, please dont say, "I told you so!". The Lord will make them realize..

[08/06, 9:19 PM] Ceci Fshp: I have a good memory of the bad things especially :p I store up things. But I have learnt that God beautifully removes it right from the root of we go to Him . I’ve heard from one of the sermons that we need to be like the little child who goes to its momma even for the slightest hurt :) so I am practicing to go to God even for the silliest hurt and would ask God to remove the hurts .

[08/06, 9:20 PM] Rafi Maria: True. Whatever try to spk to God before you spk to him.

[08/06, 9:20 PM] NiSha: I too have those issues ramya

[08/06, 9:21 PM] Joyce: Amazing discussions... Hats off to all of you girls... 

My 2 cents: even I get angry sometimes even over very small things...  After sometime God makes me realize it's a very small thing and keeps me moving...My guy is too cool... The one thing that keeps us bonding is the immense love ❤ that we have on each other... It's truely God's outpoured love I feel on our relationship... So we easily forgive, forget and keep moving... I pour out to him if it's breaking my head and he listens to me... Then we keep moving... 

Initially when we married we agreed that a tight hug to each other should help us momentarily come out of each other anger and forgive each other... We did it for a long time I remember... 

Another key thing both of us are open book to each other that bonds us more... Praise God for my husband...

[08/06, 9:22 PM] NiSha: Nice to see many views ...was thinking i am the only one having issues

[08/06, 9:22 PM] Mercy: Eye opener for me too 🥰

[08/06, 9:24 PM] Joyce: The key is you trust each other and be open to each other and as somebody said, humble yourself and make your hubby feel like a king ...

[08/06, 9:36 PM] Rafi Maria: Wow.. great love !! Hug idea was better.

[08/06, 9:43 PM] Thiru: To avoid piling up the hurt feelings :When ur filled with anger and resent,pour out in the Lord's feet..tell God what u feel and how u feel ..don't try to hide ..he knows our thoughts and motives..Whenever my husband hurts me ..I have told God atleaet hundred times that I just hate my husband and I don't want this marriage anymore(the momentary hate feeling about ur husband changes after the fight..but telling to God what u felt and telling to ur husband makes huge difference)...I have at times vented out my anger in the bathroom with tap on so that nobody hears..as soon as u pour out all that u feel ..u will definitely feel better ..Now fill.ur mind with God's promises and plans that God has spoken to you about it marriage and future..

[08/06, 9:52 PM] Thiru: Other learnings:

1.Obedience as everyone said accept ur husband's decision(hierarchy defined by the word of God) but u have a God who turns hearts so u can very well pray behind the scene for God to direct his decision.

Eg.My husband was not good in handling finances which made me feel very insecured and instead of praying about it,I blamed him for every wrong decision and fretted and fumed within and outside.But I learnt to let go in the Lord's feet and I only prayed everyday that God would guide his decsions and now the Man he is today is way beyond my imagination.

[08/06, 10:02 PM] Karanthi Leena: I will share my story too what God has done for me. I am married for 9 yrs now.. we have hardly been together for may be 4 yrs. when ever hurt i keep silent and after sometime i forget and talk normally. which is also wrong in a relationship. when ur hurt tell them ur hurt not by shouting but just say it out which i didnt do. this lead to more distance between us.

[08/06, 10:06 PM] Karanthi Leena: Our parents love us more than anything and they will try to help us. later when our problem is solved also  our parents cannot accept our partner. they will keep having the doubts. so the other persons respect is lost in our relatives side.

[08/06, 10:12 PM] Deepa Arivazhlagan: we mostly get into conflicts when either of us are tired and hungry.. 

i keep some food items seeds, nuts and bars handy so i keep handing it to him..

he gets annoyed when he gets tired.. physically or emotionally.. i can see it in his face..  i try not get hurt when he lets out his frustrations.. i dont get annoyed and act let a teenager.. he is not trying to blamed me.. it is not my fault and i need not be guilty.. i try to be as helping as possible.. till he gets through it.. otherwise just let him handle it.. 

i tell him that i am tired and i am going to be crabby..so he could leave me alone to rest and be okay..

[08/06, 10:36 PM] Grace Prathiba Fshp: I read each and everyone's outpour. Thanks to all for such insights.. they really help 😊 praise God!!

[08/06, 10:44 PM] +31 6 26236194: Mmmuuaahhhh😘😘😘 en saathi sanamm .. I always do this to get him out of anger in the morning...then he smiles back.. aporom thodachu uttutu poite iruppan ka 🤣🤣🤣 the so called “vekkam maanam soodu suranai “ is not there for me at all.. I dono y.. I think I should have a bit 😝😝

[08/06, 10:58 PM] +31 6 26236194: Thanks for all the sharings.. Keep us in prayers..though I forget everything in the morning ,these piled up things shouldn’t bother me again..

[08/06, 11:00 PM] NiSha: Thank u ramya for starting it all

[08/06, 11:01 PM] +31 6 26236194: I’m feeling nice that I poured out here amidst of all my sisters😘😘

[08/06, 11:01 PM] +31 6 26236194: Mind is bit refreshed now

[08/06, 11:45 PM] Thiru: Dear,not everything works for everyone..Ask the holy Spirit guidance to choose which will work for ur marriage..Prayers for ya ma

[08/06, 11:48 PM] Caroline Fshp: End of the day, we have to realise that our battle is not against flesh and blood...our husband is not the enemy...we are on the same team...but the real enemy is the devil, who tries to steal our joy, peace and purpose.

[08/06, 11:48 PM] Caroline Fshp: Even in the garden of Eden, the paradise where you least expect - Adam was blaming Eve ... And Eve was blaming the serpent, not recognising that it was the devil...

[08/06, 11:51 PM] Caroline Fshp: Think that is why Beu and other wise friends here always reminds us to put on the armour and be on our guard, so that we will be able to quench the fiery darts of the devil and not give in to his lies

[08/06, 11:51 PM] Jansi Word Of: Paa so much around this topic👆🏻

[08/06, 11:52 PM] Jansi Word Of: Think of this time, guys! Life is very short, shorter than we ever have imagined. :( It is not worth to carry the burden and spoil the present.

[08/06, 11:54 PM] Jansi Word Of: My husband always says, “paa un teammates ta laam yeppadi thaan soft aa pesuriyo”! It is true. I quickly appreciate them, talk to them nicely in soft tone even when they annoy me. But when it comes to our own spouse, we tend to show our true self, exploding at times even for simple things. As someone has mentioned above, things that we cry for now, might be very silly that it brings lol moments later.

[08/06, 11:57 PM] Ivy: Nice discussion.... During initial stages of marriage this was bothering me so much....but as years passed God helped me to forgive forget and move on.... I call upon God for anything and everything..be it small or big sometimes very silly...

[08/06, 11:57 PM] Jansi Word Of: I have shared this already. I remember every word, exact which table of the mall and the time at which we had argument on so and so date, even several years ago. I can’t forget any of them easily. There were instances when I thought I could never forget some names and what they did, very much stony stony heart. It only added so much pressure to me when it did nothing to those who offended. I couldn’t enjoy any single thing. I can even say I felt lifeless, even though I put up smiles in front of others, but that’s when I surrendered everything to Him as the burden was so much for me to carry. God slowly slowly changed my stony heart and helped me forget them one by one.

[09/06, 12:00 AM] Jansi Word Of: Learning to unlearn is very important is marriage. Don’t go and share these burdens with anyone that is not in the Lord as it can totally damage the life. I see lot of such anonymous posts and questions on FB to which people get worst of the answers.

[09/06, 12:03 AM] Jansi Word Of: Don’t ever compare what you see on TV, YouTube videos. You don’t know what they feel underneath. You are unique and every marriage is unique. What worked for me will not work for me. I sometimes pray “Lord, speak to this guy in his dreams; threaten him if you can so he doesn’t repeat this.” Lord nenaipaaru “innum naan enna laam ivalukku seiyanumo 🤦🏻‍♀️”nu 😂

[09/06, 12:18 AM] Jennifer Miriam: ❤️ you put the feelings so practically true !!! Just now was feeling so low with a fight and opened up the group discussion wondering how to handle this devil triggered unnecessary fights. I so needed this 

I guess the word ego itself is so worldly...it just squeezes out the essence of biblical life where it becomes easy always for men to quote - where is your obedience, where is your submission, is this what you learnt from Bible, is this how you call yourself spiritual... I could only reply with, where is your love then...🤷🏼‍♀️ the devil provokes easily that controlling the tongue becomes tough and to give back with that feminist attitude makes us feel like we've won a war

To oversee all that anger and go back with love is difficult without God's help...but thats what it is...and as you all said we can not go vent out to ppl, especially during this lockdown it is very difficult and frustrating at times...the only person I can boldly go and pour it out is God! I literally go fighting you only gave this man, not my parents or the world, you deal with him 😝 I know it's silly, but if it's wrong on my part he has made me ask those sorrys else made my husband come back...

[09/06, 12:27 AM] Jennifer Miriam: We are living in times where equality is being spoken as if it's the norm...I struggled a lot initially during my marriage days, wondering what does this guy even know abt me and questions my caliber on petty things...the frustration of having to explain am also unlearning to adapt to the "US" ends up being always having a reason to justify...you know that broken feeling to be looked down in front of ppl who you are building your life looked so worse compared to the work life, where you are praised for handling things so patiently or so enthusiastically!!! 

What was appreciated as maturity looked so immature to the family and husband... but word of God starts making us understand and enlighten us why we need that submission out of love than banging our heads over why my husband can't treat me equally

[09/06, 12:30 AM] Melvina Ajeeth: More than fiighting with God to change your man, it's better to ask pure grace from God to wear the clothe of humbleness... And also ask the HS to show up my mistake, so that I don't repeat it again... 

Whenever there is a quarrel bt me and my hubby, I will not talk much, instead I pray to God asking His help to go through it, though I may be in any work my heart will be talking... So the fight has nt last even for a day or for a night... Since I humble myself totally to God and pray, if he realize his mistake he will come to me to say sorry... Else I will be instructed by the Holy Spirit and I will go and say sorry to him... In almost 15yrs of my marriage life we never fought for more than a day by God's grace...  And I'm sure that when we submit to the Holy Spirit to lead us, he will lead us through all peace...

[09/06, 12:59 AM] Ebe Roger: Wow no fights more than a day for almost 15 years praise be to god n thanks for sharing your experience 🙏🏽

[09/06, 1:22 AM] Prathiba Sadagopan: These pages from this book was shared by a friend of mine in another group. I felt it relevant to the discussions here in our group

[09/06, 1:24 AM] Ebe Roger: It helped me to differentiate between gods perspective and worlds perspective about a husband & wife . https://youtu.be/O0rwlah6NcE

[09/06, 1:50 AM] Beulah: Thanks you girls for sharing the book, video and links.

[09/06, 1:51 AM] Beulah: We are 250+ in the group from so many different difficult situations. I praise God for helping us  unite.

[09/06, 1:52 AM] Beulah: I think collectively we'll me more experienced than any group whatsoever😅

[09/06, 1:54 AM] Beulah: Jokes aside, there are many of us struggling in this group.  Each one's path is unique.  Some due to addictions, some due to stress, infertility, in-laws, health, fear, depression, lukewarmness.  Kind request is to uphold one another regularly.

[09/06, 1:58 AM] Beulah: Pray for atleast

-2 newlyweds in the group

-2 fgb in the group

- 2 with miscarriages/infertility

-2 separated family in the group

- 2 broken marriages in the group

- 2 who is struggling with depression, or with  low bp. 

We need a breakthrough in us and in our families

[09/06, 2:01 AM] Beulah: Btw, after more than a year wrote down about God's blue print which I learnt earlier during my struggling years and also late in mfl .

 Please please pray over these 7 areas, and wait on God for God's transformation in your marriages.

[09/06, 2:01 AM] Beulah: http://nebeula.blogspot.com/2020/04/gods-blue-print.html?m=1