*My Anemic journey with my crazy mind*
Our mind sometimes will behave crazy and it doesn't want to go your way and it happens to me a lot. As we are nearing this year end, by the grace of God, I am writing this small testimony. Years after my daughter's birth, I started becoming anemic so much and when I started visiting my gynac first, I was asked to take several tests but nothing came out of it. I was told I might have auto immune disease - SLE which is affecting all my cells of the body. My CRP will show some inflammation sometimes and it would be the last conclusion they come. Then, I came to Madurai for my job and early days were good but later when days went by it started again and I was asked to visit RA specialist to confirm if it is auto immune. but, the report just showed slight inflammation and I was told to come later.
Days rolled by and I started living with a thought in my mind that it might be auto immune as doc said and I just let it go. After CoVid lock down, it was worse because some kind of fear was instilled on my mind about my health. also, I started becoming very tired and lazy. I started opting out of any works I did in ministry because I couldn't do things based on timeline. I blamed it on myself stating I am becoming lazy due to this work from home schedule. Sleeping much in the mornings, as I was not able to sleep at night. I gained so much of weight as well from 48 to 63 kg which added up. Everyone said I have to do exercise, do walking, be active. This would stir up my mind sometime when I would start the walking routine in the morning along with my husband giving a motivational talk to myself - "Carol, you can do this". That would just last for a week.
But what my mind lead to was, to start losing faith in God regarding my health. It made me to live in the way I am to think this is how it is going to be. it degraded my Bible reading, prayer and everything. I was on and off in the presence of God. It didn't make me to lose the trust on God because in my mind somewhere it would say, God loves you so much - the unworthy you. He would help me to overcome those thoughts through my writings but that wouldn't last for a week. So, that was my life - trusting God to not trusting Him sometimes every month - fighting with Him and crying to Him then - moving out of Him which led me to stay overnight to watch movies and then coming back to Him and sitting on His presence - told you right - my mind went crazier for the past two years.
But, God works in a mysterious ways :). We got a contact of Pediatrician in Madurai through a fellowship friend for my daughter and who introduced us to another believer doctor - a diabetologist for my mother. So, we were visiting her often as my mother had diabetes and every time we go she would speak to my mom about praying which sometimes stairs me as well. This was a regular routine and one day changed everything. For the past few month there was a drastic change on my hb count - it went down to 7 and when my mom was visiting her doctor, one talk lead to another and yes, as every parent my mom insisted her on checking my report when we went for her health check up. Seeing my report, she was shocked and stated "Even a person who is not eating properly will have a hhb count of 10, this should be taken care immediately". She asked me to take several blood tests to know the cause of this and as usual nothing came out of blood results. it just showed iron deficiency and my body didn't store much iron. She was cancelling one by one what all would result in low hb. They checked for any internal bleeding which came as negative. But, sometimes our enemy will play tricks in our mind to divert us from the right path which we were going. Suddenly this SLE came to my mind and I told the doctor and she said that might be also a reason and asked me to take some tests for that as well. Now, the voice came as "See, I told you. We cannot do anything. you have to live with this", but something told me that Doc was still searching for something else. She asked us to go for iron sucrose drips every week to check if there is a change. And, we also felt like not to for the ANA test for auto immune. I took drips and again went for a blood test for hb count. from 7 it went to 8. Actually, I was happy but the doctor waqas not because she expected it to be more. She was repeatedly asking me questions about my menstrual cycle which I ignored as I thought I have a normal one.
Suddenly I remembered having umblical hernia after my daughter was born. My mom told that to doctor and she asked me to take a scan for it but the report came stating there is a fibroid in uterus of size 8x8 cm. Then she asked the questions again about my cycle, and I told her it used to be heavy and I felt it normal as I have that from the start with so much pain. Then she said this is the reason for hb being low and not getting increased and we were asked to go to the gynac immediately and she said it is big and that's the reason you look like 4 months pregnant:) Then I realized, my mind was tricky and it always said, you became lazy and due to that you got a belly :p. The gynac suggested to go to open surgery to remove it stating it is big and that would be a best option to remove it. However, she asked me to have a consolation with senior obstetrician there and we went to her. She saw the report and suggested that we can go for laproscopic surgery to remove it and that can be done on Saturday itself before my next cycle.
For some reason my mind was peaceful that day and we agreed for it immediately without second thoughts. we were relieved that a reason was found and God has been reminding me through everything to trust Him alone. So, we didn't go for second opinion even when others insisted us stating we made the decision without thinking. But, myself and my husband were in the same thought not to ask anyone and I was taken into surgery theatre on 10th of December and I was laid down in a preparing room when another girl was taken for a surgery. I was just claiming the blood of Jesus the whole time and that girl came out in half an hour and she woke up back in 15 mins.
I thought in my mind, "So that's it.. only one hour" and I was taken into the theater around 10 am I assume and the anesthist was talking to me asking me random details while sweating me. I was smiling so much it seems and he told everyone, "Someone with a smile in a surgery theatre" and the last statement I gave while I was conscious was, "I am seeing Jesus standing here".
When I woke up, I saw a nurse with a blood pack in her hand and I tried to get up but couldn't and I slept again. (The nurse on my discharge day told me that during that time I was talking much asking her - are you an vampire? why are you having my blood.packet in your hand! and then I told her I am dancing with Jesus :))
I was brought down to my ward only after a long time. I was unconscious for sometime. Fibroid was removed but I also lost blood resulting my hb to go down after surgery and I was done blood transfusion during surgery which increased my hb to around 6. I was brought back to my room at 3, due to my blood loss and unconsciousness. I felt better but I was so dizzy. Then the doctor said it might be because of anesthesia and as well I am anemic. The next day I was given another unit of blood which increased my count to 8. Doctor said, surgery is fine but only thing is she is anemic and now it is 8, we can increase it by taking iron tablets. I was into drips for.the next two days continuously and I ate little and I thought I am better and said the same to doc and I was discharged the next day asking us to come for.review after few days.
Remember, I told my mind is a tricky one. as soon as I came home, I was down with fever and it was high and didny decrease even after taking tablets. I suffered fever the whole night and during that time I was attacked spiritually and instead of standing against it, due to my weakness and tiredness I got afraid. I was vomiting continuously that drained my energy more. The next day I was able to had some food but again at night started vomiting and I couldn't even stand. My husband took me to hospital immediately and I was taken into the emergency ward immediately hooked up with drips and injections. I was admitted immediately and taken to a room and doc started testing my blood for any infection and it was fine. The doctor who did surgery analysed me the next day and informed me might be because I am anemic, I might get infected easily and she was asking me to try eating whatever I like but that didn't happen. Whatever I took, I vomited. even the injection which they put to stop vomiting didn't help. I was asked to fully be in drips that day and it was horrible because, they couldn't find any veins to inject and I was surrounded by nurses to find one. But, God was so gracious enough. I was so much dehydrated and the next day a gastrointestinal specialist was called in to check for the reason on vomiting, even after they trying the medicine which would make me to stop vomit. He asked to take some Liver test to check for any infection but also prescribed another tablet for vomiting and said if this is not stopping you, we will do an endoscopy after two days to check on the stomach.
Something in my mind was telling me that I would be alright and the blood test for liver came out normal and by His grace that tablet worked. Though I started drinking juice and started eating a little, I was asked to.be on drips the whole day for dehydration and to observe.
By His grace I was discharged the next day with smile from all the nurses over there. Though the journey started painful, it ended up well with so many lessons.
1. God works mysteriously and even though if we do not feel His hand, He would be there as in the story of Esther.
2. He brings people and removes people from our lives right time for right reasons. learn to accept it.
3. Sometimes we might feel that there is no answer but God would have been preparing you to accept His plans.
I am still in the healing phase as my dehydration problem and anemic is there along with tiredness but His grace is sustaining me and yes, the most important lesson that I learnt was - put on your Armor and use it and claim the territory than sitting simply and thinking unnecessary thoughts.
