Questions with no answers

I was in unrest state a few years back...I was raging ..I was pouncing on all Christians...I asked why what...no one could answer me...

As u said it was cos of an unanswered prayer...
I prayered for 1 ..2...3...years with strong faith...
True...cos God answered all my prayers prior I was feeling He was real...
After 4 years I felt is He there ...

But I am happy He dint answer me...cos I understood my faith and my love ...

I was imagining that I was the best lover of Jesus ...and best bakathai...and I loved Him for Him...

But this unanswered prayer made me question my faith...
Was it on Him or His gifts that I was passionate about ..
Losing one blessing made me bewildered...

I was angry with myself now...what a hypocrite I was...I called people to Jesus saying they will get healed or this n that...
But that wasn't real either...

I was running here n there for peace ...cos something I held on from my kid days I had no more...

I stopped praying reading bible going to church ...

I had no peace ...I had no life ...no light ...

But our Lord is loving God...I fought Him bad...I was confident not to talk back to Him...

He dint leave me to die in my madness...
He reassured that it was not cos of his gifts I need Him...but cos of Him alone
That's wen I got calmed down