Hi girls, I was reflecting on Abraham offering Issac on mount Moriah. I always thought about this as a test to prove the faith of Abraham. Today, reflecting on this passage, I was thinking, well God knows everyone's heart and He already knows Abraham's level of faith. So why? I then remembered something that happened in my life. I would like to share that with you all..
I am a FGB. Both me and my elder sister. (My eldest sis is yet to come to know the Lord). My believing sister was married to a Hindu. When my parents were looking for a match for her I asked her to take a stand for marrying only a believer. But since I was the one who was pushing her to do so and she was not convinced that way herself (she is a soft person and feared to do so against my own parents) she got married.
When I finished college and went back to live with my parents (working in infy) they asked me what type of person I want to get married to. I struggled to tell them. So first I said I don't want to get married. Bought some time that way. I was in turmoil inside but on the outside didn't show anything to them. They thought I am just being stubborn.
My mom and eldest sis kept pressuring me and my second sis was behind the scenes telling me what the rest of the family is planning/ talking. I was an alien in my own family.
Lots of people were praying for me and one day I just plainly told them that I want to marry a believer in Christ.
They were shaken to the core. Mom upset. Crying all the time. Dad angry with me for making mom upset. Dad scolding me to my face in front of strangers who come to visit them. Mom serving dinner and while I am eating standing nearby and crying. I didn't have any appetite. I was also so emotional and upset. But I had to put up a strong front. I cried myself to sleep every night. I worked late nights and weekends to be away as much as possible. My aunts came home and said that my stand is affecting my mom and so I must not do this as I owe them the upbringing and must not harm the family's good name. Further they made me feel even more guilty citing my mom's health and is this how you repay her for her kindness.
My cousin's only daughter was admitted in the hospital and she died or dengue. That was a tragedy that hit my family and forced me to move back to live with my parents. Then the emotional drama became full blown after that.. since I was seeing them face to face everyday...
Meanwhile my friends were getting married and I was getting wedding invitations home. Every single thing resulted in some kind of emotional drama. My dad made some extreme steps to get rid of the problem I was causing.
My eldest sister for the first time in my life said "choose between family and Jesus" - when I chose Jesus she said "I won't speak to you hereafter" and then our relationship got cut off. She stopped speaking to me.
All these things happened over a period of approx 3,5 to 4 years
Now that I described all that happened, here is the main thing I want to share: a believer friend's husband said that one of his classmates who is working abroad is a believer from a similar Hindu Brahmin background. This man was supposed to come to India on vacations. So Annan suggested that I talk to my parents and see if this will be ok with them. I didn't know anything about this man except that his name was Balaji and he is a believer. Annan made me talk to Balaji on the phone briefly and we shared our testimonies. I felt at peace. Then I directly linked my mom to Annan. He made my mom to talk to Balaji's dad. Finally there was a ray of light in my otherwise dark tunnel.
They lived in Hyderabad and they sent balaji's aunt (who is a believer) to check me out. She went back and gave a good report. So things seemed to be on track
Balaji's father was a very horoscope believing person. He requested it and my mom sent it. I clearly told my mom not to contact them any more until they have something to say and they call her. She could not wait. She called balaji's aunt and asked what is happening and she replied that they matched the horoscope and it did not match. My mom and sisters were heart broken. I didn't know all this as I was in office.
My believing sister called me (I was standing in front of the icici branch in office - mahindra city, on the way to the bus to go home) and she was crying on the phone. I didn't know why. She said that after all this time finally we got hope that this is the guy and now since the horoscope does not match it's a dead end. She said that everyone was upset at home.
At that moment all the 3,5 years flashed in front of my eyes and I braced myself for another long wait and emotional torture. I praying saying, Lord You have brought me this far. This seemed to be the one. But I won't marry anyone if it's not Your will for me. Just promise that You will continue to be with me in the long road ahead. You brought this match and You have taken it away. I am going to hold on to You even more now and keep going. Then I went and got on the bus to go home.
I got a call- it was from an unknown number and a male voice. So I assumed it was Annan. I said " hello anna! Whatsup" - the voice said " I am not him. I am Balaji" then I thought - what a decent person, he is calling to tell me that the match is off by himself. So I said "thanks for calling, I heard already that the match is off" to spare him the difficulty. He replied "no it's not" and I could not believe my ears. One moment earlier I was mentally prepared for another waiting period and here is this man saying my wait is over.
I realized that God already knew my faith and reaction to the situation - and He knew Abraham's reaction and depth of faith as well. But this test is to prove to me how strong my faith is: probably to Abraham as well. After this happened to me, I know that I have the faith to depend on God in dark situations. I know I can cling to Him. This faith then becomes the foundation of my relationship with God. I was tested and I came out stronger and brighter. I look back to that moment in my life and draw courage to trust the Living God for my future. I will take the right stand even if the situation is much harder than the one I have crossed by the grace of God.
This I think is the reason Abraham's faith was tested.
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After Balaji called me as said that (he was going to leave back to Finland in 4 days as his vacation was almost over) - I told him that he needs to come officially with his family to visit me. Till this moment I had not seen him at all. Not even a pic. He said ok. He arranged flight tickets for himself and his dad and they were to come down. His aunt in the mean time sent me 2 pics of him. That's when I saw him for the first time.
They came home and saw me and parents were talking and my dad gave his dad a "tamboolam" to finalize the agreement.
The next day he was going back to Hyderabad to fly back to Finland. So that night I got to go out with him and actually talk. The next day he was gone. After that phone calls and skype. Then marriage 6 months later. 5th day after marriage - flew to Sweden to start our life together.
I never knew satisfaction and peace like what I felt when I came to Sweden to live with him. It was so much peace that it felt like a soothing balm on all my past struggles.
I was just filled with gratitude for God's provision for me.
The reason I started typing my story to make the point that when God tests our faith, He is not testing us to prove to Him how strong your faith is. He is testing us to prove to us how strong our faith is. So that, once we realize that we can be empowered to trust God even more.
