Escalations to Appreciations

Testimony: God kept me high where people saw me as 'I am not fit to be in that role'

When I took over the job in HCL, it was challenging because I was not too technical that time and the role which I took was new to me and I was not able to manage the team and my name got famous for escalations. From client side whenever my name pops up, they though it would be an escalation about me.
And I was praying about it.

Then at the end of last year, there was a change in the system and we were arranged based on domain(functional domain in client side). Everyone got the applications except me. No one was ready to take me and people who wanted me was like they want me to act as a support member for a team. I was saying No to that team and we had the Christmas holidays. My friends started saying, 'Carol accept what you get. I said No, God will give me better.

So after new year, for the first few week, I didn't gt any applications. Then I got a call my manager saying, he have a role like which I am expecting, but, the thing is it is already coming up with so many challenges and there are already escalations. He asked me whether I can handle. My so called well wishers adviced me never to take those and break my head. But, I thought that's where God is taking me and accepted.

At the start of Feb, I took over the applications and I was treated like a person who doesn't know anything. But It's God's grace where He gave me some recognition with the new team in client side, who once commented, I am the silent and calm ITAO who he has see without getting tensed and able to talk with a smile even if there are escalation.
GOD helped me and without Him, I wouldn't have been survived in this as I get daily two escalation mails which recently He has started changing as appreciation mails from the client side as well as HCL side.

BY His grace, I got two appreciation mails recently from the managing director from the client side as well us I got a call from my manager now saying that I am a quick learner and communicating well. I was surprised because these two points were marked as negative for me in the previous applications and was escalated.

With God, nothing is impossible and He even make a donkey to talk and will raise a foolish person like me to survive among such conditions.
All Glory to God alone.

Turmoil to Peace

Frustrated, and angry, going in circles, I saw no silver lining. Its been days, weeks, months, years, the situation never changed.. When he was angry, he was mad, packed his bags and left, be it in the middle of the night, didn't matter if I was pregnant, or alone. This has happened countless times in our married first 1 year. He maintained more than a diary, to keep track of all my wrong doings. datewise, timewise. He was disappointed in me. He felt cheated, he must have been a friend of King Solomon, he wrote all the verses about the wives on Proverbs, in paper and stuck it in the wall, doors, bright and clear.

I was no good either. I was at the wits end. I tried everything I can, and as my brother said, I was stepping on his wrong foot. All the time. I couldn't understand him, or agree with what he said. I wanted my way, for my way was 'always' right. So that was north pole and south pole trying to stay together.

My PPD must have been worse. I couldn't take it anymore. I kept the passion of Christ Jesus as my wallpaper in my phone, to look at what he silently went through. The pain, the shame. I thought I was doing the same, but I was just piling up. I had a sister whom I was lamenting on the phone daily. But it just aggravated me to the core.

He turned up once with poison in a bottle and wanted me to pour it down his throat. He did not turn up for our first baby birthday. It was constant fight, that can be heard on the streets. I lived in constant fear. What he will say or do. It was like a mad house. Banging, screaming.I couldn't take it any longer.

I called 108. Police came and tried to talk and left. I still no longer felt secure. I wasn't sure what he will do. Next morning he packed his bag and left. For the next 8 months, there was no communication. No calls. Not even with my in-laws. I prayed God for strength, to be a single mom. I also said, well Lord I took a leap into your arms and I trust you will take care of me.

I had been to counselling when my baby was 5 months. Just me. They had given me some books, and to pray diligently. Somewhere I learnt to create 10 custom points for my husband. For him to know the depth of love of Christ, his renewed mind, his health, work, friends, anger, forgiveness, lamentation.. Slowly, I started praying for my self on the same points. I was no good either. I had drifted far off and my heart was so stone cold from Christ.

8 months later, he came, bringing his sister's wedding invitation. All my nerves, said he came for his status before his family and town. But I knew, it was God. Nothing much seemed to have changed.. but God was still working on me and him.. Its been 4+ years now, He has not walked out of the house. He made me burn all his diary ( the ones he kept track of) a week after the first birthday of my second child. He since starts his prayer, thanking God for giving me as his wife, and the children. I have changed too. God has helped erase all the past. He mended, what I thought was broken. He has made trust grow tall and wide. God has been the center of our lives. My relationship with God, grew slowly, and with my husband steadily. We know who the enemy is and He fights our battle.

Using the sword practically

#Testimony time
#Not me but Jesus
As a FGB, whenever I share my problem, my friends suggest me that I'm already doing good and GOD knows my situation bla bla... which I usually don't like to hear. I was hurt by a harsh comment from  a dear one last weekend. And though I took it to the Lord and forgave that person, still the pain and hurt didn't leave me for 3 days. Can't  forget. It was hard for me to get over it. Tears rolled down my cheeks as those words came to my memory again n again. I thought repeatedly that it was like *floods of Noah* to me and I couldn't even pray.  Some other unlikely events from past too flashed in my mind.

Tried calling few friends but to my dismay none answered. I thanked God for that as well as I can depend fully on Him alone. Told Him that I couldn't pray and wanted someone to pray. And made a point to myself that I called for prayer and not to lament.  
And connected to my wimh partner with whom I've never shared personally. She *prayed and shared* one of her life event(how God has been her help) and God spoke clearly thru that.
Tadaa. Felt  much better and wanted to recite ut1.
While reciting God spoke me through Promise *Isa 43:1,2, Isa 41:10,Isa 40:31* that *He'll be with me when I pass through waters/floods*. Held back my tears and finished reciting.

Then God reminded me that *His word* is like a precious jar of perfume unopened( *sword* unseathed) when we don't use it. When you speak it over your life's circumstance it'll spread it's aroma and chases away the stinking lies of satan/rotten truth from past. God answered my  question how to use the only offensive weapon in the armour of God practically and how essential is to put it on everyday.

I thank God for guarding my lips not to react in rash/anger (though am tempted to say) and for sustaining and guiding me by His word.

And thank God for allowing this situation in my life that *I can fully trust Him alone* more than my faith, grace in my hubby's eyes.

*Lam 3:22*
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.