It's been more than seven years and I still couldn't forget that day. I was from a normal Christian background family and I had several issues as others during my teen and youth days. I thought my parents especially my mother doesnt love me the way she loves my brother and being an elder son, he always gets everything needed. I didn't realise that it was the trust factor that I could take care of anything made them to stay away from me and concentrate on my brother.
During my teenage i started hanging around with my friends and they started playing a role in my life than my parents. That's when she came in, my cousin whom I loved so much and happen to be my best friend. After finishing my college and after so much struggle I was placed in a good company and added to it, my cousin from another city also came to chennai to pursue her career in a different company. Both the companies are very near to each other and hence we meet often as she stayed in a room. Our hang around have become such a way that she has become everything in my life and I started expecting her to concentrate on me alone which has become a problem for her. Yes, that is called possessiveness. And days rolled by. And she had the same love i had for her.
But, suddenly one day she stopped talking to me, stopped attending my calls…. My world has shattered down and I couldn't concentrate on my work and I started bunking my office. My parents couldn't understand the struggle which I am undergoing. So, there was no one to share. Christ didn't come into my mind.
That was the day, I attempted suicide by drinking the acid in the bathroom. After a second, I heard a whisper in my ears,'You have to live. So go and inform your mother immediately'. The voice was very high. I couldn't avoid it and I didn't get the guts to tell my mom that i drank the acid. So I went and told my sister what I have done. When my mom heard what I said, she took the broom stick nearby and started beating me.
Then I was taken to a nearby hospital with the help of my brother friends. I was not allowed to get admitted in the hospital as it was a suicide case. They need a complaint to be filed with the police. Time run by and that's when one of my brother's friend who is into politics helped us to get admitted in the hospital without any police complaints.
After the treatment I locked myself in a room and I use to sit with lights off. I would call psychiatrist and go to them for treatment. But nothing helped. I became so mad. I didn't eat well.
That's when my friend from college came to visit me and like all mother's my mom too said everything to him. And he gave me a bible to study saying, 'God alone is a big psychiatrist'. That's when I started reading the bible more and in one of the meeting, I surrendered myself to God. I was soaked in the love of Christ then which made me to realise that I was totally wrong with the thoughts I had about my parents. They equally loved me but they didn't show off.
Now, here am I, a new creation, saved only by Him and for Him alone to bear the witness.
Note:
Don't take all the voice s that comes into your mind. If it is bringing you confusion, destruction, stealing your joy, that is not from God.
It is Satan who comes like a thief to steal our joy and when he comes, rebuke him. Christ has come to give us life and when we surrender to Him, everything around us will change completely and will look beautiful.
And, He is the only One who will show us the true love and No one will love us like Him.
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