No help from spouse

How do we manage our kids and the chores at home if our better half doesn’t play a significant role?
Day by day I’m draining physically and mentally
Btw I work too😞I’m tired and want to know inputs from gals who are going through a phase like me but I don’t want to disclose it
From a shocker mom.

Answer 1:My best practical advice would be.. Better to outsource your work. If he s not capable/willing to work, employ helper. My dad wud say.. if you can afford.. u can set aside upto 10% of Ur salary for helper. By which you are helping somebody n as well can manage Ur home better
I have been in that place.. few yrs ago.. my husband being college principal wud start early n come home late.. weekends he had to work/travel. I was with 3 yr n Ard 1 yr old boys in a chaotic neighborhood.

Answer 2: First thing i understand it's very difficult. But keep consistently in prayers for positive understanding and support...Do believe me Nothing is impossible with God ...it may take months or years ...but definitely things will change and you will be amazed to see how God can hear our prayers...
Start your day with prayer and Bible reading early morning.. then plan your day that you will finish all cooking in the morning itself....For e.g.

1. the curry you make should go with rice/ chapati/ dosa/idly...
2. Bottle puliyodharai mix, lemon mix, tomato thokku etc . On weekends ....

3. Make cutlets and stuff in freezer for bread will be used often in US....

These are few things which I heard from my friends in US if it suits your family style of eating...also heard on one friend who cooks for entire week and stuffs in freezer..again it depends on your husband's choice..
My personal experience, while at home,  whenever I get up late and then try to cook, at the same time attend to kids needs, hubby needs...I end up in a mess...will start shouting...I expect from my hubby to take care of kids since he is wfh ...then all mess up..I feel guilty for shouting as well...I later realised that if my hubby is not at home I do all my routine chores happily..but only when he is there I over expect from him which becomes a mess... I felt God teaching me to enjoy my hubby presence at home rather than me making it a mess and turning into a nagging person...just wanted to share for those are struggling.. sometimes we over expect from our spouse and affect family peace bcoz I as an individual did not plan the day well...Again every day it's God's grace...even when I was at home for few months I was back on track only after I disciplined my morning prayer and bible reading as the first thing on the day...God taught me how to organise the day and use it wisely..

Answer 3: Other thing I notice in myself is ‘lack of appreciation’! Men like being appreciated. In fact who would not. Even if they do little help pls appreciate.

Very true. Experienced the same. Would long for hubby to WFH but when he's at home will think it would have been better if he had gone to office.

*Expectation*

But the small thought once Sharon Daniel shared that whatever hubby does is a help n be thankful for it, never complain or expect - changed my mindset

Answer 4 :I always complain that my husband doesn’t help in anything in the morning. He doesn’t even take towel when he goes to bath and keeps calling for towel when we are busy with ten things at least.
So it always kept me irritated
But now when I look back, on all those days, without cursing me for not boarding my morning shuttle which comes so close to my house, he always have dropped me at distant places for 9 am shuttle or out buses in spite of heavy traffic, which gets him late to his work.
And he never complained also, unlike me who always finds ways to complain.
Start appreciating for little things to begin with!

So much wisdom! ❤😁 I lash out in frustration/anger/tired state of being too. 😬God has been pushing me to unlearn that and alter my very nature in this aspect.

Answer 5
1. Surrender it completely to the LORD. Pray, read the Word of GOD and start your day. Believe me GOD gives you wisdom & strength to do it. Had been through this. Now started doing my work enthusiastically. Also, the LORD will make ur spouse understand.

2. Consider Prov 31. She does a lot of work. Last to sleep and first to get up. Do all ur work cheerfully. Work as to the LORD and not to men (Col 3:23,24). Not only the office work but also the household chores.

3. Discuss with ur spouse politely. Some men expect to be told explicitly (like mine 😜)  on what needs to be done rather than they doing it voluntarily. May be talk to him if he can help you by taking care of few things.

4. Pls try OPOS cooking if cooking takes u much time. It saves a lot of time. You can learn this during weekends and then implement. No need to keep standing and sautéing.. just layer and wait for whistles. Contact me for more details.

I try to get his help in anything except cooking.. my kitchen will be a mess if he comes to help me out there.. so I’m happy if he doesn’t help me in kitchen 😆

5. Play some songs when u do ur chores.. let kids help you too in some chores - folding clothes, loading & unloading washing machines or dishwasher, packing their snacks box etc

“Therefore, *whatever* you do, *do it heartily* as to the LORD and not to men,
Knowing that *you will receive the reward* of the inheritance for you serve the LORD CHRIST” - Colossians 3:23,24

Answer 6:

Do it as for the Lord
Never complain/compare

I am failing in these and still learning as He teaches me.

If you can do the chores -  praise God
If can't finish every task, still lotta pending - rest in His love.

*Condition of our heart more important than of our house.*

what I learnt this Sunday sermon(Martha Mary) Lord Jesus didn't mean that serving is not good, only praying is good. Condition of the heart - very purpose is important.
Must pray, listen His word, do the chores, take care of family, go to work - we may not be perfect in every aspect. That's ok. but are we worried/anxious/afraid what others wud think? Or are we enjoying His presence  in everything we do(perfect or not).

For e.g.
I always get ready on time, last minute. So with kids you know. And if I'm late I used to blame/complain all the way. Now if I'm late, will say a prayer and ASK his grace.

Me worrying not gonna change the situation. but trusting in Him and casting my cares on Him lightens my burden. Gives the kids happy moment avoiding stressed/unlikely sitn

When I shared with my daughter she asked how can one glorify God by chores? I had the same doubt too. But God looks at our heart. I am a full time homemaker(last 8 yrs) and I hate *every* house chores except cooking. Irritated by routine(I feel like robot). My house is a mess. But God is helping me n teaching me. And am still a novice.

This sermon came as an encouragement. Reaffirmation of what God is teaching me. Sharing so that it may help someone